The Best Online Anger Management Course

All You Ever Wanted to Know About Anger Management

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Anger Management Expert
John@GuideToSelf.com
www.GuideToSelf.com

Anger comes from the Latin word, angere, which means “to strangle.” Anger strangles us on a number of different levels. Anger is the emotion which is probably the most familiar to the majority of us. Too much anger is toxic. Anger and hostility result in dis-ease of all types. It is physically arousing and has damaging physiological correlates, such as increased heart rate, more cortisol (a stress hormone) dumped into your system, muscle tension, headaches, decreased mental clarity and clogged arteries. 

What is Anger Management?

Anger management is the process by which people learn tools to turn down the volume on their anger, irritability and frustration. Anger management can be done in person, one-on-one, via online classes, in small groups and/or using the latest in scientifically proven exercises. One of the most effective combinations, in my experience, is the combination of online anger management videos along with the latest proven anger management exercises.

Anger is a normal healthy human emotion – most of the time. Anger signals the fact that something or someone has come between you and a desired goal of yours. Anger is a call to action. The goal may be as simple as trying to get home during rush hour. Yet, when another driver rudely cuts you off on the freeway, your anger rears its head before you have a chance to manage your anger.

The emotion anger is frequently confused with the actions you take while angry. This doesn’t happen with fear. You don’t confuse the emotion fear with the act of running away. However, anger is nearly always thought to be negative and destructive, despite the fact that anger itself is merely a feeling. Anger, in and of itself, if not acted upon, is instructive, not destructive. Anger can be a good thing. However, for anger to be positive, you must first learn to manage your emotions. Then you have a choice as to how to respond to anger’s signal.

The Four Types of Anger

To alleviate some of this confusion around anger, allow me to better acquaint you with the various types of anger. There are at least four types of anger of which we know: anger directed at self, anger directed at others, disappointment, and constructive anger.

1. Anger at Self
The first type is anger directed inwardly at oneself. The anger sits inside and burns and festers. After enough anger has been turned inward, it eventually leads to inappropriate angry outbursts at undeserving and unsuspecting people. Studies show that most people turn 90% of their anger inwards at themselves. Most of this anger is an attempt to control and contain the frightening emotion of anger. Anger can lead us to rage-filled, uncontrollable behaviors. Rather than feel the anger, honoring the feeling, and releasing it, most of us bottle it up. This stuffed anger is toxic and leads to all sorts of negative health outcomes. It also leads to displaced anger where you get angry with the wrong person, at the wrong time, and to the wrong degree.

2. Anger at Other People
A second type of anger is directed outward. This type of anger builds upon itself and can frequently lead to rage. This form of outward-directed anger is typically displaced onto the wrong person, at the wrong time and in the wrong manner.

Both of the first two types of anger are destructive. Destructive anger includes anger that is directed inward and never released and anger that is inappropriately directed outward at others. Anger directed at others may be inappropriate in terms of its target (Are you directing your anger at the right person?), its intensity (Is the degree of anger in keeping with the offense?), its timing (Is this the best time to make your anger known?), and the manner in which it is communicated (Is this the best way to communicate my anger?).

3. Disappointment
The third type of anger exists in tandem with sadness and most closely resembles disappointment. Disappointment usually involves a judgment that has not been met. Judgments cause trouble for everyone. Judgments usually involve an element of moral superiority, as if you know what is best for someone else. Stay away from judgments.

4. Constructive Anger
The final type of anger is the type used as a positive motivator to act to remove an obstacle that is preventing you from reaching a goal. This type of anger can be a constructive anger, that is, an anger that is quickly released and prompts you to act in a positive manner to remove the obstacle from your path.
Constructive anger actually provides you with a persistent attitude which enables you to push forward to solve a given problem. These four types of anger have been demonstrated via several methods – reports from subjects in scientific studies, physiological evidence, and behavioral data.

When increasing your anger management skills, part of the task is to learn the variety of subtle emotional differences within one family of emotion. The better equipped we are to make subtle differentiations within an emotion, such as anger, the better able you are to share with others the degree of feeling you are currently experiencing. With that in mind, let us turn to the bodily cues that anger provides us.
 
Physiological Cues of Anger to Inform Anger Management

In order to stop the cycle of anger, you have to tune in to the early warning signs. So pay attention! When you begin to feel angry, blood flows to your hands and feet, making it easier to strike at your perceived enemy, your heart rate increases, a rush of adrenaline kicks in and your body prepares for forceful action. Anger causes a surge of chemicals (catecholamines) which creates a quick, one-time rush of energy to allow for one brief shot at physical action. Meanwhile, in the background, another batch of chemicals, including cortisol, is released through the adrenocortical branch into the nervous system that creates a backdrop of physical readiness. This angry undertone lasts much longer than the initial one-time surge and can last for days. This undertone keeps the brain in a special state of overarousal building a foundation on which reactions can occur with great speed.

Compassion as the Key to Anger Management

If you want to reduce your anger, think of the universe as compassionate and nurturing. As such it is designed to reward compassionate, nurturing behaviors in individuals. Compassion transcends both natural human sympathy and normal Christian concern, enabling one to sense in others a wide range of emotions and then provide a supportive foundation of caring. Compassion occurs when a person is moved by the suffering or distress of another, and by the desire to relieve it. Compassion is empathy, not sympathy. It is the identification with and the understanding of another’s situation, feelings, and motives. This ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes serves as the perfect antidote to anger in which one perceives an obstruction to one’s goals.
The goal is to understand the situation from the perspective of the other person. Often this involves interpreting the situation with a large degree of grace. For example, I am driving 75 miles per hour in the fast lane. A car comes up behind me doing 100 mph. The driver comes inches from my rear bumper in a desperate attempt to get me to move aside. At this point, my old interpretation was “That idiot! What does he think he’s doing? I’m going 75! I’ll show him.” And then I let off the gas to slow down ever so slightly. My interpretation now is “He’s probably trying to get to the emergency room. Perhaps there has been an accident.” And I change lanes and let him by. No anger.

Steps to Managing Anger

The first step to anger management is to become aware when you are feeling angry. The sooner you can identify the anger, the quicker you can take steps to honor it and release it. The trick is to interrupt the process of anger before it gets explosively out of hand. As soon as you feel yourself getting irritated, take a quick three-minute break and breathe deeply. When you get angry, your heart rate goes up. Breathing returns your heart rate and your emotional state to normal. This way, you are less likely to erupt in rage.

Ideally, anger is dealt with in the moment. You begin to get angry. You recognize your anger, label it and honor it. Tell yourself,

“Okay, I’m feeling angry right now. That’s okay. Breathe deeply. There is no reason to hold on to my anger. I am letting my anger pass through me.”

You breathe the anger out. If you can address your grievance with the other party, do so. Listen calmly to the other individual’s side of the story. Work the misunderstanding through while letting go of your defensiveness. With practice, you can learn to stay calm, cool and collected in the midst of progressively difficult situations. Unfortunately, we can’t always catch anger in the moment. To help you catch anger quickly and reduce the damage, here is an exercise.

Anger Management Exercise

Anger Management Step 1

First, identify the cause of your anger as quickly as possible. The most destructive type of anger is uncontrolled, impulsive, and unconscious. It can hurt you and others. When anger takes over, slow down. Remove yourself from the situation if possible. Identify the cause, but don’t react. When you are angry, it is smart to stop speaking. Silence is the number one behavior to practice when you’re mad. It shows you’re in control of your anger. You also buy time to cool yourself down, breathe, and think of possible strategies to deal with the situation at hand.

Anger Management Step 1.5

If your anger is too great, get up and leave the room. Go somewhere else to give you time to cool off. Think about your anger on a ten point scale, where 1 is calm and 10 is full of rage. If your anger goes over 5 on the scale below, remove yourself from the situation until you and the other person are back in control emotionally.
 

Anger Management Step 2

Second, allow yourself one to two days time to complain and vent your anger to others (who are not involved in the situation). Do not bury, suppress or stuff your anger. This will negatively impact your physical health. It also lends itself to the displacement of your anger onto other people who are not deserving of your wrath. Rather than repress your anger, honor it, label it, write it down in your journal, breathe it out, exercise, ponder on it, or discuss it with a coach or friend. This is helpful as it helps to dismantle the anger.

Anger Management Step 3

Third, after two days, make a conscious effort to release your anger. This means giving up on who is “right” and who is “wrong.” Releasing your anger is a process, not a singular event. Anger gradually recedes over time. Anger is toxic. You do not want to hold onto it. To release your anger, breathe deeply and visualize your anger leaving your body as smoke with each exhalation. Remind yourself to breathe deeply occasionally throughout the day. It is also helpful to write down all of your anger in your journal. While writing, focus on each of the five senses as well as your thoughts, feelings and actions. Another useful tool to get rid of anger is prayer. Consciously giving up your anger to the universe via prayer is an effective way to relieve yourself of burdensome negative emotional energy.

Anger Management Step 4

Fourth, share your anger with the offending party if you believe that by sharing your anger your differences can be resolved. If your sense is that, by sharing your feelings you can improve the situation, then calmly express your point of view while attempting to stick to objective facts and “I” statements. “I” statements are statements that focus on how it makes you feel when someone else behaves a certain way. For example, “It makes me angry when you show up late for dinner.”  Your goal is to resolve the conflict. Your goal is not to make them pay for your suffering. Keep an open mind. Your statement may result in an apology from the offending party, a compromise, a negotiation, an agreement to disagree or nothing at all.  Don’t get pulled into a power struggle. Remain centered. Breathe deeply. And stand firm in the knowledge that you have shared the truth as you see it.

If the offending party is unreceptive, vindictive or apathetic, it may not be useful or constructive to share your feelings and the reasons behind them.  In this case, repeat the first three steps to diffuse your anger. Take steps to distance yourself from the offending party, particularly if he or she is constantly negative. To the extent possible, reduce contact with the individual.

Anger Management Step 5

Another key to controlling anger is to interrupt the thought process that fuels the anger in the first place. As mentioned previously, you can reframe the situation in a more positive, gracious light. This works well to defuse the anger cycle.

A powerful means to defuse anger is to distract yourself with something you find pleasant and enjoyable. It’s hard to be angry when you’re having a good time. Don’t continue to dwell on thoughts that make you sad or angry. That only prolongs the negative emotions, possibly stretching the negative emotion into a negative mood.

Breathe Deeply for Anger Management

Among its other meanings, inspiration also indicates to breathe in. Deep breathing is central to managing your emotional state because it both determines and is determined by your emotions. Learning how to breathe fully hands you the reins to tame your alligator. The art of breathing gives you the ability to infuse your self with inspiration.

The breath is the bridge which unites the mind, the body and the spirit. All three of these areas are closely related to your emotional state through your constant awareness of your breath. When all is said and done, you calm down your ‘gator (i.e., your emotions) by learning to control your body and your mind. Part of it is physical and part of it is mental.

The best place to begin is by learning to focus your attention on your breathing – throughout the day. The emphasis on proper breathing is found throughout our history in the ways of most spiritual traditions – Hinduism, Zen, Buddhism, and Christianity.
When you “watch” your breathing over several weeks time, you will begin to notice a critical pattern. Each negative emotion adversely affects how you breathe.

Anger, for instance, is marked by shallow inhalation and forced, inflated exhalation.

Extreme sadness, on the other hand, is reflected by sporadic and shallow inhalation and minimal and fragile exhalation.

Fear is characterized by minimal breathing all the way around. Fear is marked by holding your breath so the inhalation and exhalation is nearly non-existent.

As you become more aware of these patterns, you recognize them more quickly, and remind yourself to breathe deeply. The mere act of breathing like a baby, into your belly, ratchets down the intensity of the negative emotion.

Deep breathing is one of the more powerful ways to reconnect your body, mind and spirit especially when situations get emotional. Anytime a strong negative emotion arises, it is wise to remove yourself from the situation (if possible). Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed. And then try the following breathing exercise.

Deep Breathing Exercise for Anger Management

Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed. This might be a bedroom, a bathroom or a quiet office. Sit comfortably in a chair or lying down on a bed or the floor. If you are sitting, your spine should be straight up and down but not quite rigid.

Once you are comfortable, loosen your pants and belt if necessary. Then, raise your shoulders by tensing your muscles in the neck, shoulders and back. Tense and relax your shoulders 3 times to release the tension. Then just allow your shoulders to hang loosely.

Focus your attention on the weight of your shoulders.

Now close your mouth. Tuck your lightly into your chest. Close your eyes. Breathe slowly, deeply and completely into your abdomen, just short of any sense of uncomfortable pressure. As you inhale, pretend you are inflating your lungs like a balloon. Imagine a line just below your belly button. Breathe into this line so that your belly moves downward and slightly outward. If you place your hand on your stomach, you should be able to feel your stomach rise and fall (or go in and out if you are sitting) with each breath.

As you exhale, allow your belly to relax and return to its original position (back up and in).  It’s important when doing deep breathing to focus on breathing out all the old, stale air in your lungs. As you exhale, tighten the muscles in your abdomen. Pull the muscles in your stomach towards your back, the spine. This will help you expel all the old toxic air from your lungs. This is critical because most of us walk around all day holding carbon dioxide (poison!) in 4/5th of our lungs. Carbon dioxide is toxic and needs to be expelled from the body so you can replace it with vital oxygen.  Simply doing this one exercise for three minutes per day will lead to tremendous benefits in your life. This exercise will allow you to experience what it was like to breathe back when you were a baby. I call it belly breathing where you breathe into your belly normally, naturally and fully.

As belly breathing become second nature to you, you will begin to apply it to your daily life – work, home, parenting, and sports. Your breath will synchronize with the demands of the task you face. Eventually, you will come to understand that your breath inspires your body, filling you with graceful and easy movements. Just remember, whenever your heart rate jumps, whenever you feel tense, angry or scared, take one minute to relax and breathe deeply. You will feel the change in your mood within seconds. Awareness of your breath is one of the most powerful ways to manage the energy of your emotions, the death-rolling alligator.

Breathing Visualization for Anger Management

Here’s a powerful twist on the deep breathing exercise. Remember your brain is literal. It does not differentiate between what is “out there” and what goes on inside you (e.g., thoughts and feelings). Multiple brain scan studies have shown that the same areas in the brain activate whether you are looking at a baby or imagining a baby. This means that visualization, using your imagination, is an extremely powerful tool to help you manage your emotions and your life.
While doing your deep breathing, try this visualization exercise. Visualization is just a fancy way of saying use your imagination to envision something that helps calm you down and encourages positive emotions. For instance, while inhaling, picture a white light of serenity and calmness entering every cell of your body. As the white light enters your body, see it pushing the anger out of every pore of your skin. When exhaling, imagine your angry feelings, thoughts and tension leaving your body as a cloud of dark smoke.

The white light that you imagine inhaling can be anything you need at that moment: peace, relaxation, love, freedom from pain, healing, God’s love, energy, or whatever else you want to substitute in.

The black smoke that you “exhale” can be anything that you need to expel from your body: pain, anger, fear, sadness, doubt, intrusive thoughts, tension, fatigue, and more. Experiment with your own needs and find what works best for you. These breathing and visualization skills are universal, will benefit all aspects of your life and can be used to counter any and all negative emotions. The trick is remembering to breathe when you are smack in the middle of an emotional hijacking. 

For more tips on how to manage anger, check out the website at www.GuideToSelf.com.  You can also take a look at John’s award-winning positive psychology blog, Shrunken Mind at http://drjohnblog.guidetoself.com. He offers four free online anger management classes and a complete 10-week anger management course at his anger management blog, http://webangermanagement.com.

About anger management expert,  John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D. graduated Summa Cum Laude with a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of California at Berkeley.  He has 12 years experience in research and practice. His passion is creating new tools to help in the anger management process. He is an anger management expert creating cutting-edge, highly effective online anger management programs including anger management videos to help individuals turn down the volume on anger, irritability and depression.
John is the Founder of Guide To Self, a company dedicated to teaching critical anger management skills to people from all walks of life. He is an award-winning author, award-winning blogger (Shrunken Mind) and an nationally recognized mental health coach.

Anger is the latest ‘it’ emotion. Lately, anger is ubiquitous. Anger is everywhere.

What is Anger Management?

So what is anger? What does anger management do for you? How do you turn down the volume on anger?

What Are The Best Anger Management Exercises?

This blog seeks to answer all these questions by offering the latest scientific information on anger, anger management tools, and emotion research.

John Schinnerer, Ph.D. is an anger management expert trained at U.C. Berkeley. Let’s look at what John has to say about anger…

There are many theories and thousands of studies that look to explain why individuals are overweight, have low self-esteem, suffer from migraines, are addicted to drugs and alcohol, are depressed, develop sexual performance problems, are at higher risk for heart attacks and heart break, abuse their loved ones, and become suicidal. One finding that consistently emerges from these varied outcomes is that people who suffer from these troubling patterns have anger management problems. They have a hard time dealing with their own anger. While anger is not the only cause of these issues, it is a constant theme in all of them, indicating that anger plays an important role in their development.

The Goal of Anger Management Programs

One of the goals of anger management programs is to help you connect rational thought with appropriate action in the angry heat of the moment.

The best way to learn is by doing. Each and every time you take action, you take a step towards rewriting old negative patterns and habits. The brain is capable of creating new brain cells and pathways throughout your life. So age is irrelevant. You can learn anger management techniques at any age.

The Brain Can Learn Anger Management Quickly At Any Age

What’s more, your brain changes rapidly, in many cases in a matter of minutes or hours. However, some of your patterns of behavior and reactions have existed for many years. These anger patterns will take roughly 3.5 months to learn to undo and replace with more constructive ways of responding to situations. One theory is that this is due to cellular memory. Your body recreates 1% of the cells in your body daily. After 100 days, 100% of your body is completely renewed. It may be that you can’t teach an old cell new tricks! Be patient. Stick with the anger management process. You will see results.

Training the Angry Mind

To train the angry mind, you need repetition. So at the end of each anger management video in the complete series (available at my Online Anger Management Class), you will be asked to take action steps to insure you learn to manage your anger effectively.

Another important tip is that learning anger management is an ongoing process. This means that you will gradually improve your anger management skills as you practice the anger reduction exercises. By watching the videos repeatedly and taking part in the action steps, your old angry thoughts, feelings and behaviors are less and less likely to return.

Developing excellent anger management skills is like exercising. Your anger management skills are similar to muscles which grow stronger with daily use. Stop the exercise and the muscles atrophy and weaken. Continue to exercise and the muscles get stronger and more responsive!

Feel free to check out the four free anger management videos on this site http://webangermanagement.com as well as the complete 10 week anger management online course available for purchase at Anger Management Skills Training.

Please be sure to leave any comments you have below!  Thanks and have a relaxing and joyful week!

How Positive Emotion Protects Against Poor Health in Later Life

The new issue of the journal ‘Current Directions in Psychological Science’ includes an article entitled, ‘Pathways Linking Positive Emotion and Health in Later Life.’

The author is Anthony D. Ong.

The article begins as follows…

‘There is growing empirical evidence that positive emotion protects against poor health outcomes in later life.

Two recent reviews have documented a robust association between positive emotion and improved health (Chida & Steptoe, 2008; Pressman & Cohen, 2005).

Across experimental and large-scale prospective studies, significant aspects of adult health predicted by positive emotion include self- reported health, physiological responses, physical functioning, disease severity, and mortality.

In this article, I review the biobehavioral and psychosocial pathways that may account for the relationship between positive emotion and health in later adulthood.

Although the literature is not without theoretical gaps and methodological inconsistencies (see Pressman & Cohen, 2005, for a discussion), overall, the data suggest that positive emotions have demonstrable health benefits in later life, the net effect of which may be to slow or delay the rate of functional decline in resilience.’

The article concludes like this…

‘Three decades ago, Lazarus, Kanner, and Folkman (1980) suggested that under intensely stressful conditions, positive emotions may provide an important psychological time-out, help to sustain continued coping efforts, and replenish vital resources that have been depleted by stress. Until recently, there has been little empirical support for these ideas. Foundational evidence for the adaptive function of positive emotion is now beginning to accrue, however. Taken together, the available data indicate that there is no single answer to the question of how positive emotion influences health outcomes in later adulthood. Instead, findings suggest that health behaviors, physiological systems, stressor exposure, and stress undoing may be among the key pathways underlying disparities in physical health, psychological well-being, and even longevity in later life.

Future work building on these findings will require greater attention to the interaction between increasing positive emotion and the presence of decreasing resilience with aging. Targeted prevention and intervention strategies that enhance positive emotions, particularly among the most vulnerable, are likely to play an important role in preventing serious physical illness, minimizing the burden of stress, and improving overall functioning in older adults.’

In addition to the reference section, there’s a small bit on ‘Recommended Reading’:

Charles, S.T., & Carstensen, L.L. (2009). Social and emotional aging.
Annual Review of Psychology, 61, 383-409. A comprehensive, highly accessible overview of what is known about socioemotional development.

Fredrickson, B.L. (2003). The value of positive emotions. American Scientist, 91, 330-335. A clearly written review for readers who wish to expand their knowledge on positive emotions.

Ong, A.D., Bergeman, C.S., & Chow, S.M. (2009). Positive emotions as a basic building block of resilience in adulthood. In J. Reich, A. Zautra, & J. Hall (Eds.), Handbook of adult resilience: Concepts, methods, and applications (pp. 81-93). New York, NY: Guilford. A highly accessible overview of what is known about positive emotions and resilience in later life.

Zautra, A.J. (2003). Emotions, stress, and health. New York, NY: Oxford University Press. A thorough, far-reaching theoretical analysis of the relationships between stress, emotions, and health.

The author note provides the following contact information: Anthony D. Ong, Department of Human Development, G77 Martha Van Rensselaer Hall, Cornell University, Ithaca, NY 14853-4401; <ado4@cornell.edu>.

Increasingly, cFor more information on ways to cultivate more positive emotions in your life, visit http://www.GuidetoSelf.com to get a free copy of Dr. John’s award-winning self-help book, ‘Guide to Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought.’ It has the latest in positive psychology and tools to make you more aware of and ways to create more positive emotions in your life.

Positive emotions are an instrumental part of any top-notch anger management program as well for the same reasons (e.g., they act as a hidden Reset button for negative physiological effects of destructive emotions, they make us feel more connected and they build enduring resources within). For more information on the best anger management programs which include a positive psychology perspective and ways to create more positive emotions in your life, visit Dr. John’s recently developed online anger management course at http://www.webangermanagement.com. There you will find several free videos sharing the latest tools to turn down the volume on anger AS WELL AS the latest tools to turn up the volume on positive emotions.

Happy holidays!!!

To life, love and laughter,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.
Founder Guide to Self, Inc.
Award-winning author, blogger and mental health coach

The simple joy of bubbles!

P.S. Also be sure to check out John’s other fantastic blog on free online anger management classes at http://drjohnsblog.wordpress.com.

How Anger is the New Sex

Switch off the Housewives they’re making you crazy. How to keep your temper in an angry age.

WebMD Feature from “Marie Claire” MagazineBy Joanne Chen

Whether it’s Wall Street bonuses, the Gulf oil fiasco, or cultural icons (David Letterman! Tiger Woods! Al Gore?!) flagrantly cheating on their wives, Americans have more reason than ever to be pissed off – a sentiment Charles Speilberger, Ph.D., University of South Florida psychologist, says we’re also quicker than ever to express. As coeditor of the recently published International Handbook of Anger – just one of the new releases examining our current age of rage - he should know. Because not only are there more reasons to get angry today, there are more outlets for it as well, from social media to reality TV to books, including Koren Zailckas’ tellingly titled memoir, Fury, out this month. Anger, it seems, is the new sex: It sells. And none of us, especially women, can get enough – just check out the bonanza ratings enjoyed by any reality show in which there’s even the potential for a hissy fit. So how will we ever calm down, and, more importantly, do we even want to? Take a deep breath (or two), and we’ll tell you.

WHAT’S MAKING YOU MAD
(And How to Stop It)

Once upon a time, we told each other off in person. Discussions grew heated, doors were slammed, and we moved on. Now, with so much of our daily communication done via e-mail, texting, or Facebook, many of the impulse controls we’d normally employ in confrontations have gone out the window. “Electronic media disinhibit the expression of anger,” says Michael Potegal, Ph.D., associate professor of pediatrics and neurology at the University of Minnesota. Alone, typing angry thoughts to a friend or a loved one, we don’t have the benefit of seeing a facial reaction, reading body language, or hearing a voice – we’re wearing conversational blinders, so we end up typing things we’d never say in person.

This, in turn, breeds an anger-making dynamic all its own. Scott Wetzler, Ph.D., department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences professor at New York City’s Montefiore Medical Center, calls this sort of one-sided expression of emotion “venting.” When we e-mail or text, which allows us to ignore the other side of the argument, “we feel justified; the more justified we feel, the angrier we get.” What’s more, typing a thoughtful response to your boyfriend in the heat of an argument is particularly tough when shorthand expressions (whatev!) roll so easily off the fingers. Soon, our inbox and Twitter feeds can devolve into rage-filled echo chambers, leaving us feeling vulnerable and guilty over things we wish we could un-type.

And according to University of Minnesota researchers, even cell-phone communication is fraught with risk. Chatting as we run errands may make us feel like great multitaskers, but the reality is that it means we take longer to react. Add poor sound quality and other distractions into the mix, and you have a recipe for misinterpretations and unintended interruptions – all of which, researchers say, lead to “hurt feelings, conflict, and misunderstandings.” What’s more, the fallout from this is often hardest on women: Says Ray Novaco, Ph.D., professor of psychology and social behavior at the University of California, Irvine, women relive angry incidents more, and stay angry longer, than men do.

FINDING PEACE IN AN ANGRY WORLD

Turn off the TV. In a University of Maryland study, people who chose reading over watching TV were more likely to describe themselves as “very happy” than those who did the opposite, watching TV more than reading.

Live in 3-D. Save e-mails and cell-phone calls for appointments and reservations, never for heart-to-hearts. And always keep Twitter-talk light and conflict-free.

Breathe. Delay responding to an e-mail or text message that annoys you. Take five breaths; call when you have time to talk calmly. Better yet, take a night to sleep on it. Never, ever send a work e-mail in anger.

Sleep. “Irritability is a symptom of insomnia,” notes Nancy Molitor, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at Northwestern University. The message: Snooze more and you’ll be in better control of your emotions – and your tongue.

Be grateful. Make a daily list of everything you’re grateful for as a way to dispel anger, which Novaco says is the “absence of appreciation.”

Move. “The chemicals released during anger can feel like muscular tension that needs releasing,” says Rich Pfeiffer, Ph.D., a Sedona, Arizona-based psychologist. Hit the gym to keep your limbs loose and your mind open.

Take action. Anger strikes when we feel powerless. Whether you’re outraged by disease in Africa or the latest eco-disaster, join a volunteer group to do something about it. Your mood will improve, and you may even have an impact on the problem.

For the full article at WebMD, click here.

For more information on how you can turn down the volume on your anger with the latest scientifically-proven anger management tools and a top-notch online anger management course, visit http://drjohnsblog.wordpress.com for some free online anger management classes!

To life, love and laughter,

John Schinnerer, Ph.D.
Founder Guide to Self, Inc.
Anger Management Expert

P.S. For a free PDF copy of the award-winning self-help book, Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion And Thought, visit http://www.GuidetoSelf.com and enter your name and email. There are dozens of tools aimed at anger management along with the latest methods for stress management, anxiety management and ways to live a happier, more meaningful life.